so...dinner was kid's cuisine and a bottle of wine. i think they go well together.
Have you come up with a team name for the beer pong tournament on Saturday?
We can be the stepdads. If anyone asks why say because we beat you and you hate us.
just cuze she's 16 doesn't mean it's illegal to add her on facebook
Vibrator and massage oils got stopped at security. Super.
Nothin says happy bday jesus like a shot with your loved ones.
I was gonna make fun of her but that plan kinda stopped once she put my dick in her mouth
its the kind of pain that only someone with a fucking elephant on their head would understand. I'm never drinking again.
Reading my bank statement stoned makes me feel like an adult.
She insisted on cleaning her room in the dark. 5 minutes in, she forgot what she was doing and started putting shirts on instead of hanging them up.
Oh my god he's laying on a longboard singing the song from cool runnings.
I can recall having this conversation with a three year old, but go on
My vagina is officially offended.
Correction: Jimmy johns. The one pita pit employee has been an asshole to me ever since you locked them out of the store
My ex gave me head because she said she didn't enough when we were dating... Best ex ever? I think yes.
He deliberately gets me high because he knows I fuck better and then I make food for two. I don't know if I should feel mad or proud of him for thinking that far.
Randomize
