They just gave us root beer floats. I guess I won't quit my job today.
Our phone convo was getting intense. Then I heard her say "quiet mommy is trying to have phone sex"
You walked away saying that you had to pee and you never came back. We found you an hour later in his roommate's bed. Under the covers. Still in your wet bathing suit.
Road construction signs are deceptively heavy
Oh my gosh they are following me around the bar
Blow your rape whistle
I just stood next to my childhood self. Fuck, I'm really stoned...
We are stranded. Come find us. Bring an egg
Dude, Donte totally wants it. I don't have any idea how I do it. I'm not even cool. I'm not even the hero Gotham deserves. I'm barely high. My hands are swelling. Want me to pick you up anything from five guys?
Why are you awake at 6am and liking photos from rando Russian chicks on Instagram?
what's the least obnoxious place that i could barf on the bus?
When I said I wanted you to make noise during sex, I didn't mean mocking ones.
I threw up in my backpack last night, but at least it wasn't in the pizza box again
UHG. i just want to have hot lesbian sex and eat pizza with you.
It's the Ides of March, motherfucker. That means we're supposed to daydrink, right?
Fortunatly we found him, he was on my roof. Unfortunatly, we can't say the same for his pants. Still looking. BRB.
Randomize
