some guy just got out of his chair quietly. Laid down on the floor and is now asleep in between rows in my lecture hall. He must have had a rough night.
You were in the garage half naked counting your ribs and talking about how you had too many
She looked at my facebook and decided to bump the security deposit up an extra 250...now we have to destroy the house, its expected and I wouldn't want to disappoint
....I found a picture of what appears to be the underneath side of the barstool (taken from the floor) and to top that, 9 pictures of the ceiling. Also, did I mention there's a picture with us posing with a pregnant lady at the bar?! WELP
Either call me back or tell me you're in jail. For fucks sake. If this is a cop, just help out. national league.
Worst walk of shame everrr. Hopefully the thought of me walking 20 minutes in the freezing cold with someone else's sweatpants, a bra on & high heels will cheer you up today.
Oh god there are people jogging. Fuck off productive people, you don't know me.
No more jager for that guy. He jacked the neighbor kids big wheel, rode around making jet noises, then passed out behind the wheel and rolled it and broke his wrist
We hit a deer while we were singing an acapella version of "I will always love you"
When Pony by ginuwine plays I pretty much just grind on the nearest penis.
Do I get bonus points if I get lockjaw after a cosmic blowjob?
My Sexting was not on an AP level
It just makes sense. It's like I end a relationship, and wash myself of sin... with tequila.
I don't know where you went, but if you're anywhere near the liquor, pour me another drink
You are now at the point where people no longer question whether or not you might be on drugs. They now know for certain that you are
omg girl... i cut your hair last night. tell me it looks okay!? i saw hair on the counter and i said ohhh nooo
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