I think I speak chipmunk. Odd.
Are you high?
No. That's why it's odd
stuffed animals make me feel really maternal.
homeboy just tried to sext with me at 8:30 in the morning while I was on a job interview...
so you did it...
obv...but still...it was inconsiderate.
what the fuck is a social media consultant, who does she consult for, and how bad is she at it? her facebook account is currently hacked and posting ads for the ipad 2 on my newsfeed
Oh you know, watching its always sunny and petting his cat and NOT fucking. I'm starting my whorefree 2012 resolution early.
Also while I am being the bigger person I plan on bringing over something strong smelling and/or alcoholic to torture the poor hungover bastard
Well, now that you have a gf, its gonna be awkward when I get drunk and make out with you..... Then later, pretend like I don't remember.
I'm trying to get fucked by 4 girls here, and you're worried about verb tenses?!
Besides, I'm booked tomorrow. I'm planning on drinking heavily and crying in the bath.
Just threw up mid-poop. I can't drink like I used to.
I feel slightly un-patriotic right now... I just got cock blocked by the Air Force!
Typical Sunday morning text...are you alive?
Everytime I come home this stoned I masturbate in the shower for that long, its like my lonely ritual. Accept me.
These guys are just fucking with my heart instead of fucking me. They're fucking up.
Remember how slutty I thought she was when we were freshmen?
Yeah! But that was a long time ago. Plus, you use your sluttiness for good!
Randomize
