Please tell me you did not just serenade her with "Let's Get it On"?
Yeah I think it worked. My penis thanks you, Captain Morgan.
question. what would be the least awkward way to ask your one night stand if he came inside of you because you would really prefer not to have his illegitimate lovechild. hypothetically.
i pretended i was deaf and got a girl to come home with me
Theres a picture of you hanging up on the wall in mcdonalds, i'm impressed
I want to hold her baby but I'm afraid I'll give it a contact buzz
I DO NOT KNOW WHO SHE IS, WE HAVE NO MORE FRUIT, SHE CAN'T STAY HERE.
I just moved 6 traffic cones blocking a row of traffic. I got applause.
Right. Will do. I'll call you if I need a ride. (that is a double meaning, go with it.)
He ran into the surf holding up a cigarette yelling "let the Olympic games begin!" So no, no vodka left.
I know now that the cab driver can get me a 10 dollar blow job. I'm practically a local.
Wake up. Finish House of Cards. Put on pants.
Accurate.
So, in keeping with the last two years, are we going to watch the new Hobbit movie on acid again? It's kinda starting to feel like a Christmas tradition.
it was the most awkward makeout ever. it was record breaking really
...i feel like you have a lot of those.
There's even glitter on my cock...
It’s so white trash that I almost have to have it.
Randomize
