when I forget a girls name in bed I ask her her middle name then tell her i'm gonna call her that from now on
Come home. Power Hour by yourself is only fun for the first 10 minutes.
we made out inside of a kiddie slide for about 20 mins. it was the sexiest, most suffocating experience I've ever had
maybe next time you shouldn't be drinking alone watching intervention at 3 am and no one would think you needed an intervention.
he tried to make a toast, but hit the moving ceiling fan with his beer instead
Tried to eat a sandwich this morning. Couldn't. My jaw is locked up. These marathon blow jobs are killing me
Even with having the shower running and music on everyone could hear the alcohol gods making me sacrifice my dignity and meals from the past week.
Random Survey Question: If things start getting serious with this cop, do I have to stop doing coke?
It's national "dress up your pet day" come over. Drugs and dressed up cats..it's the shit dreams are made of.
Question. There's no better feeling than clean shaven balls. Do girls get that too?
Nice. Ask if they watched saved by the bell. yes=legal. No=jailbait
I'm so sad at the lack of dick in my life I am going to get sauced and make rice krispy treats
I was informed this morning that I took all my clothes off and ran around the whole apartment complex. Being as they just moved in, welcome to the neighborhood.
How did your walk of shame include a trip to Walmart and how did you bump into the cop that arrested you last night there?
I just sharted for the first time in my life. Age 33. Lying in bed. Sober. 2021 is off to a great start!
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