dude i woke up to 20 missed calls from you, 3 from a blocked number and had 13 voicemails that all said "send me a picture of your tits."
so im guessing thats a no.....
help help how do i get him away from me should i talk in a robot voice or something
A freshman just woke up on our back pourch... He swears there was a party here last night but we didn't have one
Dude just bought condoms some sad fuck next to me buying a pregnancy test he gave me a look like he'd pay me millions to switch places
I'd like to come home and be able to sleep in a bed that's not filled with crumbs from you getting too high and passing out while eating. This is seriously getting ridiculous.
he'll be my respectable boyfriend for tksgiving and i'll be his non-slutty girlfriend for christmas.
and then ....
he stays my gay friend and my parents think i'm not a slut.
I need you to send me a picture of your dick. I want to forward it to that girl and you and i both know you're more impressively sized
she gave me a blowjob during our lunchbreak and expected me not to tell people
They found a chair, duct taped me to it, then gave me a bottle of vodka to 'make me feel at home'
I feel like all of the victims from Seven. Best birthday weekend ever.
And regarding bottomless mimosas stopping at 1 pm, there was a chick who drove her car into the back of the bar. Blame that bitch, not you peeing in the koi pond.
There's so much mac and cheese stuck to my foot right now
Moral of the story: fuckboys never change
I woke up at 6 and was laying at the top of my stairs.
Mid-fucking he screams "YOU CAN'T VOTE FOR TRUMP"
Randomize
