I would make tea from her tampons just to see her tits
You broke her grandpas urn and ran your hand through his ashes claiming it was pixie dust. I think thats why shes mad at you..
there was a guy who was being paid to stand outside of Abercrombie without a shirt on... normally i would be okay with this but he was 40...
My roomate just said the he would "tap dat" to the 13 out of control girl on maury. Im finding a new place in the morning.
Well if I am having twins, at least I'll finally have 2 kids by the same father.
You know there's only so much I can do with a great personality.
It's christmas eve and my mom blacked out before me. If she beat me at that, what have I been learning at college?
I bet his dick wears a tuxedo.
You told me that they girl who was giving you a handjob under the table looked a little like your sister
It would seem she's painting a bullseye right in between her legs
I got a 5/5 with my "I don't want a baby" rant essay. She said my use of the word "leeches" was a powerful metaphor :)
Congrats. You made me have an orgasm in Starbucks.
You know you turned your life around when your drunk eating salad at 3 am on a Friday night
You sat on me. Like I was a toilet. While I was on the toilet. You peed a little.
Rich men love me! I remind them of their trophy wife!!!
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