i think ur clone was at the club last week. she slapped some tall girl in the face who tried to steal her spot on the podium. i dont know if ur like her, but she seemd like a ninja badass with superpowers
I cannot remember December 31 for the past 3 years. it might as well not even exist on my calendar anymore
I just found like 5 packs of sparklers. If someone doesn't get set on fire tonight I am retiring from party hosting.
well she hit her head and had a concussion. i had to make out with her to keep her awake.
It was your ex but it was not eighties night, it was pudding wrestling. And either thank you or I'm sorry depending on the state of my pants left on the doorstep
We've reached the point in our fuck buddy relationship where we are playing words with friends. This is too intimate.
Some nice lady just gave me a beer out of her purse. I love youth hockey
My VP dropped me off at the Strip Club in Houston. Just said "I was never here".
Yeah, I'm just gonna try to repress that and remember him for his big dick and perfect jawline.
I'm sorry, that really sucks. I'm in the bath eating lasagna and if anyone comes in here it's going to be bad news for them
Someone keeps hanging up bible verse posters in the bathroom stall I masturbate in at work.
I haven't had sex since the Vanilla Ice concert
Please don't have sex ever again just so you can say that forever.
i am no longer ashamed when i walk into the dining hall for sunday brunch and i'm greeted with applause for suriving my weekend
I am such a fucking liability at weddings. I ended up making out with this married 40-year-old that told me that basically if I came home with him and be a sex partner for him and his wife, I would never have to pay for anything again. Extremely considered it.
What am I supposed to say? "Oh hey, I can't go out with you tonight because I can't picture myself sleeping with you and I was high and just trying to be nice when I said yes"?
Randomize