I know, he also has a fancy car to make up for his tiny penis
we might have left him a semi topless video on his wall. godd i just hope they suspend my accont so i stop doing thses things.....
You remember correctly you did get a golf cart ride out but it wasnt because you were special. You were so smashed you were screaming tiger at random golfers in the middle of there backswing.
haha I love it when I find out that girls who were mean to me in middle school are now some random dude's baby mama. thanks, facebook.
My dora the explorer band aid does not cover up the shame i feel right now
there's unknown territories my dick was not made to discover
Mark is going to get hypothermia. he is shirtless eating snow bc he "doesnt want to be dehydrated" tomorrow. youre in charge.
I dont think she was a real nurse but she was good at it. wish I rememebrd her name
My life is a joke. Told everyone last night that they could call me Mrs. McCormick because I'm gonna end up alone with a handle of peach vodka anyways.
Just to let you know... If you ever want to get me a gift, the One Direction perfume comes out soon....... It's called Our Moment. It's an appropriate gift for a 25 year old woman.
There was this blissful moment of peace and quiet... then you ran past our window with a lit firecracker in hand going, "SHIT. SHIT. SHIT!"
He texts me "just to say hi" and then tells me how hard he is and sends me a dick pic. And I'm like, dude, I'm ordering a burrito right now
It's okay. I think we're back on. I just went on a dog walk with him n blew him on a sidewalk
What can I say, I just want your vagina in my mouth.
Have you considered murder?
Other than my credit score and this bowl of oatmeal, not really. It's very messy
Randomize
