she went to pee and i could hear her singing "Drip Drip Drop LIttle April Showers" from Bambi through the door.
I wish real life had facebook tags so i could figure out who all these people are
even the AIR tastes like tequila.
Text me if you also stopped reading harry potter in the 4th grade and wanna go to the bars tonight instead of the midnight premiere
tequilla shots with my grandparents? christmas visiting just got so much better
His roommates came in and started a dance party in his room while we were having sex. He said it wasnt the first time.
He's tweaking out . If he's on fucking bathsalts and eats my face like a chalupa pull the plug. I don't want to live with no fucking face. Pull. The. Plug.
Hey, what did you end up doing with those ski goggles?
Anything is possible. I didn't even know I was wearing the toilet cover as a hat
Are you wearing clothes?
Fuck no, who do you think I am
I have woke up on a strange couch, in a strange house, on another campus. Can you Friend-Find me and pick me up?
He was talking up his golf swing like other guys talk up their dick. Is this adult dating or just another flavour of douchery?
I want to get up and tell you that smells delicious but I'm struggling with the idea of pants
Tbh.. I hope he still watches our sex tapes so he can be reminded of what he's missing out
in mid sex he pointed out my great gatsby tattoo and we started discussing themes and metaphors from our fave fitzgerald novels
you need to stop fucking English majors
The guy like flippppped out and made me pay $15 for a car wash. I thought I was being extremely courteous by making sure to puke outside the window
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