It would be worth it to see how drunk he is right now.
He cartwheeled into the side of the neighbor's garage.
Ok, i'm coming over
She vajazzled her vag. It was as useless as putting earrings on chewbacca
No worries. It'll grow back. I mean, hey, my eyebrows grew back after he shaved them off. So it's all good.
I standby a snuggie being perfectly acceptable attire for drunkenly walking your dog at 5am. Our new neighbors did not seem to agree.
Definitely want to eloquently cunt punt those bitches thru the field goals of life.
She had her insurance card taped to her arm because it was the only thing she "couldn't take off and lose"
NO SHITSVILLE I just saw a homeless dude punch a pigeon that flew by him
Fuck man, my Dad's been single so long I get him a year's sub to a porn site every year for for Father's Day
I haven't been sober in 4 days.
Then be sober
No.
The dominoes guy came back thirty mins later to ask me out. I guess he figures if I'm eating pizza alone I must have gotten dumped
Don't put me in that position. I am not qualified to be the responsible adult here.
The lady at the front desk wished you a happy hangover.
I just set my mike's hard down and didn't want it to spill, so I held my finger up and told it to shoosh. I'm drunk.
You are currently doing Harry Potter spells with the turkey-baster...
I was trying to get nudes from last night and ended up getting a family portrait!
Randomize
