woke up to moans and hushed"we can't do this with him in here." hope they had a good time
Blew in her face. She is Pissed. Yahtzee. As she brushes her teeth.
I want to leave work and go home and eat Five Guys and masturbate
i used the pictures of vaginas in your biology book to jack off.
you took out flashcards at the bar and went around asking guys what totalitarianism meant.
My mom asked me to donate my child hood stuffed animals to the poor then I realized I was hiding liquor behind them. I told her I was too attached to them. She understood. Wrong in so many ways.
We're trying to decide between cracker barrel an the ER
I DON'T CARE LET'S GET DRUNK AND GO. I STRAIGHTENED MY HAIR DO THIS FOR ME.
He only had napkins in the bathroom... no toilet paper. If I fuck him, am I settling?
Dude they're making a condom for people who have no feeling in their penises that will make them able to have an orgasm. I love science
'allo, good sire. how dost thy day goeth?
oh no. you're at that weird Renaissance Festival thing again, aren't you?
I am an inebriated elf. you may fucketh off.
I know this shouldnt be a problem, but there are too many women hitting on me. I dont know what to do
I just timed my pee with a stop watch. From when the main stream started to ended. It was 45.1 seconds. This is the truth trust me.
They think I fractured my spine while doing your cousin on concrete.
I think I achieved my goal of being high for 24 hours in the same week I promised myself I wouldn't smoke anymore
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