I told her we could go facebook official. If she ups the oral.
Remember how we wr so drunk last nite we cldnt find whr i shot my load? ...found some of it.
Any questions about why there was a scuba tank chilling in the hot tub this morning?
I just randomly started counting the number of guys that I've hooked up with that are now gay. 11.
He painted his chest for the game... I just fucked an exclamation point.
i just remembered the time you guys tried to give me an intervention because i was drunk before 5 on a monday
Did you bedazzle the elevator?
FUCK BUDDYS DON'T HOLD HANDS. NO EXCEPTIONS.
did the fire alarm go off at the party last night I kind of remember a fire alarm noise
omg omg i ripped it out of the ceiling omg
Happy Birthday. May your liver respect you, fat bitches neglect you, hangovers reject you, and AA accept you.
Currently rolling a blunt in the bathroom of Planned Parenthood
Also I just took the BEST ass selfie of my adult life.... it's gonna be a good day haha
The coke machine at work is laughing at me. Literally. I just heard laughter from the coke machine
He sounds like Chris Tucker and wants to eat me out when I’m on my period. If that isn’t love I don’t know what is.
It was very surreal. They were listening to a religious podcast on morality while they both went down on me.
Randomize
