I passed out in the cab. Woke up to the cabby yelling SIR SIR WE ARE AT THE TRAIN STATION!! SIRRRR!!
My mom was talking about how protein is essential to strong bones and then I told her, I'll give you protein.
How unfortunate for your Mom.
I woke up this morning to 4 booty call texts. So i am trying to find the sign that says i like to sit on cocks so that i can take it off.
trust me, i wonder where that sign is on a daily basis.
I feel like a bad episode of csi trying to figure everyone's DNA that's in me
he wanted to have me eat skittles off of his body. he mad gay sex even gayer.
How much would it be to rent out Gus Johnson so he can announce our flip cup games?
I mean, yeah, she was cheating on me but I've been fucking her brother. My secret relationship trumps her secret relationship.
He's afraid of heights. How do I know, you ask? Blowjob on his roof.
making a list of all the places we've peed. separate list of places we peed when we were stoned
We ended up debating which Food Network host would do best in porn.
Hey, it's all about finding the bright side. And boobs are definitely a bright side.
Nothing says "i love you" more than flowers and potatoes
Its the damn oven. I think it wants to eat me.
I accidentally made jungle juice last night.
It's next to that place that has cock fighting.
Randomize
