Peanut Butter and turkey sandwich...this may come back to haunt me
I could be a Disney star with the amount of nude photos of mine that get leaked.
i'm at a baby shower....never been happier to not be having sex currently
I misunderstood what a threesome is. Please come pick me up.
Can you check your dirty laundry bag for my tooth.
I get way too drunk to be trusted with family heirlooms
I'm sweating so much right now i look like Whitney Houston
This guy at the airport was telling me 3/4 dudes in his group got rufied at some strip club. One guy woke up in the hospital, another found himself in a random parking garage, the other got back to the room and they all shit their pants. Go Vegas.
He just showed up. He's like 5'8 and brought a beer pong table that has " I love gay boys" on it. How could this go wrong
That's why you need to have them together. Katie started crying on the couch and she just gave her a tube of crackers and picked up a beer at the same time. She's like a goddess of making things chill
She doesn't even know his real name...he just keeps calling himself Hans the Third
So I can confidently say that I'm the only 3rd year engineering student who completed all 4 of their exams with One Direction pens
My walk of shame is starting to become positively reinforcing; I stop by Starbucks and when I leave I look someone just heading to work.
I know... It's stupid... It's like, I have sex with his brother and bestfriend ONE time....
Be there in a sec. We have to stop at Target to buy her underwear first.
Randomize
