It was a new level of awkwardness and terror. The high schoolers you fuck in the summer should never introduce themselves to your mom and godmother
WERE YOU GOING TO TELL ME THERE WAS A LOAF OF BANANA BREAD IN THE OVEN BEFORE YOU LEFT FOR A 5 HOUR SHIFT??
No one figured out why I brought along the vibrating massager.
I can't look at him without thinking about his cum face
Tomorrow night wont work for me. I'm talking with Bryan about marriage and I dont want to have a shroom hangover.
i've really grown. sober me left an alarm for me every 10 minutes that said NO FAT CHICKS!
dude. im stealing that.
Archery is over so let's go back to not giving a fuck for the next 3 years and 11 months
Like, what's the customary waiting period to hookup with your newly single ex that you never stopped hooking up with?
Is "sorry I booted you out mid-fuck last night" a good icebreaker?
I spilled beer everywhere which led to an oil fire and me melting a spatula again. And then I was late to class so I explained what happened to the teacher.
Being able to fart in my own house is like 90% of why I pay rent
MY LIFE IS HARD OK. I HAVE TO WAKE UP AT LIKE 10 OR 11 AFTER SMOKIG POT AND PLAYING FALLOUT UNTIL 3
I'm sexting with a 20 year old that has a foot fetish... This is what Sailor Jerry drives me to do.
While having sex, a German accent isn't sexy.
"The More You Know"
I'm still amazed at how you managed to get Doritos in my damn front pocket without me noticing. I got crumbs everywhere.
Randomize
