It really wasn't that bad. Well, it was pretty bad, but only in 3 second bursts.
if my vagina gave out awards, he should be preparing acceptance speaches for the oscar, the heisman and the nobel peace prize.
He came all over my face... then said "YOU HAVE BEEN ROBBED!"
What's this douchebags name?
Rob...
I want Paula Dean to narrate shark week next year
He taught me how to drive a stick by using his dick. He even made the whurrrr noise so I knew when to change gears.
just when i thought i had forgotten how badthe sex was he comes across campus solely to say hi
Stop inviting me to your birth control calender reminders...my job is to test its effectiveness, not know its schedule
Lmao sorry
Was having a panic attack, but I'm out of xanax. Substituting with vodka shots and breathing exercises. My therapist will be proud, yes?
You carried me up the stairs after I told you not to. And what did you tell me? "Let me test my strengths."
In other news, I apparently ate my retainers while rolling last night.
And now we should drink to that moment where you realize you didn't exactly think things through.
Who breaks their ankle the day before a beach wedding? This guy. Maybe this is karma for fucking someone's wife? Idk.
You should not have followed "the guy who peed in my bed" with "he smells good."
I could tell my life story through kermit memes
well, i found him passed out on a picnic table two miles away with a lit cig in his hand...he had a rough night
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