tonights recap: old cokehead freind proposed in the middle of a country bar to his trash girlfriend, saw ex-fuck who now has star shaved into his head and another with his gf, and ex-bfs best friends crackin jokes about who would fuck me first. NEVER COMING HOME AGAIN
im using the astroglide sample u sent me as a bookmark for the book im using to write my midterm paper. i need to get laid. bad.
it was frightening. in my opinion the only thing that should resemble a vagina is a vagina.
i have my graded calc test (94%) sitting on my empty case of beer next to my desk. this is me winning at college.
We all know tonight is going to end like every other night with you. drunk, pantless and confused. Dont try to switch things up.
bong water from a few floors above me just splashed onto my face when i was looking out the window. Happy 4/21 to me
Oh trust me, i am. It's like magic, but instead of rabbits and doves its orgasms- He just keeps pulling them out of nowhere.
I gotta shower this stuff off me I'm starting to hear baby kittens in the toilet tank again..
Bake him heart shaped cookies?!? Send him a picture of your tits like an ADULT!
Yeah, nothing like barfing into a grocery bag you just put dog shit into.
You are one with the wind and sky, bro.
and then I partied with my new dealers deaf pit bull. All around a good night I'd say...
how don't worse things happen to you?
I sense naked hashbrown eating in my near future.
bitch dont make me pour hotsauce in your vagina
Just convinced the cute guy from class that I have prostate cancer. GET ME OUT OF THIS TOWN!
Randomize
