I pooped in a mop bucket.
WTF???
Their employee restroom was locked what kind of customer service is that
I didn't go out last night, but I dreamed that I blacked out and the *CRAZY* thing I did was to eat 12 cupcakes off 12 diff plates and stack them up neatly. If I had a life, I'd hate it.
what has become of my life if the best thing thats happened to me this week is that i discovered my cleavage as the best hiding spot ever for weed.
I hope as the only other living being in this apartment you can explain to me why the toilet was full of cheerios this morning.
The dean held back my hair as I was puking after graduation. That means so much more than a diploma and a handshake.
I woke up to find that chris drank one of my contacts.
Yeah he's good at that.
Dude, you like sabotaged my shower time by walking in and eating a snack pack on the toilet. That's messed up on levels that haven't even been created.
casual night just sitting in the kitchen at 2 am eating stale chips and hot sauce while my friends younger sister is cleaning all the blood off my body
I am honored my friend, to hold the decision of what enters your body
He added his name to my To Do list. That's the way to my Type A heart.
I learned that I order a bunch of dollar shots at the bar and once it's ready turned around and say "who wants pay?" And someone will pay
I may be a feminist, but I am not above using my body to distract you if it means I might beat you in a game of scrabble.
There's a guy running dressed as a bunny toward your house.
How I know I've been single too long: I'm reveling in finding out my taken friends are being tragically dumped
it's my fake id's birthday. i'm wearing a hat, and i have a beard. i'm untouchable. TO THE BARS!
Randomize
