can't come. weird drunk guy passed out on couch. long story, tell u later.
wtf. wake him up, call him a cab, get over here!
i just want to make sure he doesn't die. or rob me. plus it's facinating, he's faceplant on the arm of my sofa.
You got kicked out of the strip club for spilling a tall boy on the stage and when the bouncers came to take you out you told them that they should probably go clean up your pee in the back corner cause they didn't seem to notice that
You were humming mission impossible as we ran from the cops
we bribed her with croutons and jello shots.
There is ecstasy everywhere. Get over here right no5w. The 5 is silent.
He came in 20 minutes late for his final wearing plastic bags on his feet, and a tablecloth cape. Explain.
Yeah well tell that to drunk me. She seems to have no standards or gender preference.
Dude, just be careful. Her invitation for BJ is just a trap for her to stick her finger up your ass.
Just puke out the sadness. Like a fuckin dragon.
Calm the fuck down fatty, you can add creme de menthe to a vanilla shake any time of the year
In my dream, you became a famous tap-dancer. Congratulations.
Dont even get me started. you fell asleep in my kitchen after being cockblocked when you tried to use my roommates bedroom.
Too bad pet owners lack respect for my training in ancient Buddhist and holistic rehab therapies.
I'm not sure the Buddhist consider pot brownies holistic rehab therapy
You're never gonna guess who's blood is on my shirt
Why do I feel like I really don't want to hear the end of this...
you bounced a quarter off my butt and it came back hitting you in the eye. karma, bitch.
Randomize
