I'm timing the release of my poops to the sound of the machine gun from the video game he's playing in the living room.
Do you think he likes his girlfriend's moustache?
Wait, how do girls masturbate?
I dunno we use shower heads I guess.
..how does it fit?
my debit card account is gonna say movie, movie, ice cream, movie, cheese fries, get a fucking life, movie
I'm sitting in my bathroom sink, eating a tuna sandwich. He had better weed than I expected.
Either this is the best sandwich I've ever had, or my stomach is just relieved to have something in it that's not Red Bull or semen.
I didn't budget in chasers this month so were chasing everything with water. Sorry.
We all told you to throw up but you just stuck your head in the toilet and screamed..
I'm glad they extended train service last night. People crying, screaming, throwing up, fighting and peeing themselves on a train made me feel like I've got my shit together.
I just saw an appointment in my phone called "it's been a month" I think I drunkly did that after I slept with Paul to remind myself to check if I got knocked up... I'm smarter drunk than sober.
That's just weird. That doesn't make sense sexually at all. I mean, you might as well tape a pen to the tip and try and write your name while you're at it.
I just had to take a picture of someone whose testicles are bigger than my fists combined. Living the dream.
So they found him after the wedding still dressed up in his feather boa and top hat passed out in a bush...
If the ex isent in town and im crying under a table somewhere because of it can we go to a drag show or something
In California. Through an entire game + OT. That’s a long time to have an octopus in your pants.
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