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I just hatefucked a Bush administration appointee. Now having celebratory mimosas.
I got three cases. When they asked for id I said it was suspended for drunk driving.
Pretty girls always come out on top. Or bottom. Whatever. Point is we come out with their boyfriends.
woke up with a sweatshirt on that said "someone special calls me grandma" and a sword. i'm just going to assume that it was a good night
I know we had a good night last night because his turtle was half asleep chewing on the used condom.
I'm guessing "whatever I can get" wasn't the reply the nurse wanted when asking what med I need. Oh, and asked for a cartoon band-aid.
You're the only person i know who can laugh and talk while puking
I have a huge gash on my chin. Did I get it from A) a mini siezure; B) an oral sex incident; C) Slamming it into a ledge or; D) all of the above?
I just did a Kegel and my back popped. My vagina is a gift to penises everywhere.
Number of twigs I found in my hair: 5
I picked up a chick last night on crutches wearing a I am boobman tshirt. I love raves.
A little, yeah. We were stealing firewood from the neighbors (drunk), and figured it would be 10 times harder to be angry with us if we got caught if we were naked, and 100% more hilarious.
I just had sex in the footy bunny pajamas my mom bought me for christmas. Tis the season
And no one can masturbate with the sound of Bernie's voice in the background
Randomize