If I had a nickel for every time I've used a condom, I'd have... two nickels.
my ass just sighed. even my farts are tired.
Honestly there's alot of things I'm confused about the only thing I know for certain about last night is that I ate pizza
So I just introduced myself to this guy in front of me and now he's saving my pictures on facebook to his phone..
My entire life is one complicated drinking game
well when do great stories at the expense of people's relationships become a bad thing?
You're the only person I know who would say "we'll play it by ear" referring to a threesome
We had to coat check the pizza.
I keep calling his kid the wring name. This is not helping my cause. And by cause mean his dick
Seriously just confirmed via our bathroom scale that a keg weighs 170lbs
I just made the answer to all my security questions "fuck you" with various levels of ! marks. I may regret this in the morning.
Pretty sure I asked the person at the pharmacy counter in Walgreens to marry me last night. But also remember Rachel Maddow crawling through the TV screen, so my memory might be a bit compromised...
I'm keeping track of how many times I've said "Shhh, act like you're not naked." in my life. So far, 3 times.
We go out, we get drunk, we watch Star Wars, we pass out. What's wrong with this tradition?
You know those times when you're sitting down for a while and r like damn I'm sober but then stand up and r like WOAH HOLD UP.
Randomize
