It's what's on the inside that counts(972): They probably have big open vaginas so the inside is no good
A university police officer just hhigh fived me when i drunkenly stumbled into Aderhold. Fucking 5 o'clock somewhere.ITS IN CASABLANCA RIGHT NOW! TIME ZONES!
coulda been worse. everyone in the drunk tank got free mcdonalds breakfast
If it makes you feel better, I doubt anything could survive in your uterus.
I feel like now would be a good time to apologize for vomiting in your eye
he confused my yawn for an orgasm
that girl from work that wants to bone me just said 'the last time i went this long without sex was in jail'. sup, red flag
He threw up in a cup in the limo and when he got out the bouncer told him he couldn't bring drinks in so he gave the glass to that dumb girl we brought with us from c street.
I know, she tried to drink it
i have 90 minutes to kick this food poisoning or josh's first experience with buttsex will be his last
Some lady old enough to be our mom took us home, made me eggs and he still got some. Where do I claim my best wingman/sister trophy?
Definition of cool: he wants a back tattoo of three horses running through a "paisley explosion"
How did he even become this person? Like what drugs has he done??
If God invented something better than rough, drunken, lesbian sex he kept that shit to himself.
Whenever someone tells me they've never met a bisexual, I feel like a majestic fucking unicorn.
And then I realized my chick friends consist only of sober you, drunk you and hungover you
so he's a sleeptalker.
yeah??
"Mitochondria is the powerhouse of the cell" right in my ear. 2 am.
Randomize
