3:38a: you guys up to anything right now?
summer is not the time to consider going full bush.
FYI: Do not ever call any girl a thundercunt as a form of dirty talk.
It's just a condom. Most people would commend me for saying I was going to start using them, and you're acting like I'm going to try heroin.
Well, there goes the no drunk sex injuries resolution.
Oh if I trust ANYTHING about you it's your ability to lead a douchebag around by the dick
omg just made cake vodka jello shots, sooooo excited
dear god these taste like death. death and sprinkles
If he's the sort of guy that will fuck in a public restroom, he's the sort of guy that will cheat on his gf. I'm goin for it.
There's a picture of you on facebook laying in the street with 3 cops standing over you after you faceplanted off that guy's shoulders.
Is that what happened to my face?!
Apparently I stole windex from the cab driver. Klepto Tom strikes again.
No kiss but I got free McDonald's so at least we can focus on what is really important here
One of the finest moments in my life was when I was puking in between my legs as I was shitting, and thought to myself "hmm this shall be called shomiting."
My cat is watching me play with my new vibrator
There's nothing wrong with using cocaine to keep my heart rate up in my fitness class.
I refuse to take any type of advice let alone love advice from a motherfucker who is missing 3 fingers from a Fucked up masturbating accident.
Randomize
