But, I don't have the body of a porn star, so nobody would hire me. Unless they're doing like a trip to the safari and they need an albino rhino
I just told her she was a heartbeat above a blowup doll.
im pretty sure vibrators are the best invention since dinosaur chicken nuggets
My family just suggested tequila shots. I had Vietnam style flashbacks.
The kid taped his penis down so that he wouldn't get a boner while dancing with girls. Oh these middle school man whores never cease to amaze me.
I swear it started with good intentions but then my slutty side took over and we started playing strip checkers
Grad practice is like a live scrapbook of my drunken sexual encounters
Im covered in vodka and melted gummys. Fuck summer.
He probably has his cowboy hat on, that's his house hat.
Come find me, I'm the girl sitting alone in taco bell at 9 in the morning drinking concealed beer with a straw
Sending a dick pic with a 2010 time stamp on it is violation of proper sexting etiquette
I'm gonna give him birthday punches. On the dick. With my mouth.
i was sitting in the back of a squad car completely stoned watching airplanes take off
Tried to put an eye patch on while hooking up with a girl. She was not amused.
got the runs at the club last night. wondering when it'll be safe to show my face again.
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