i have no idea who im with but someones making meatballs. im going to stay.
i need to break up with him. i realized this while i was making a mental grocery list while we were having sex. this is not the first time i've done that.
I'm pretty sure we got the cab driver deported
I'm microwaving a frozen bottle of Two Buck Chuck while watching The Proposal with my housemate. I'm not sure what success is like, but I'm fairly confident this isn't it.
He stopped in the middle of us having sex and asked "is today Monday?" then went even faster
the mechanics of walkigng feel weird right now everyone lools like a demon
what does alcohol mean
I mentioned your name at this party and some girl started crying.
How is it that I, the only one that didn't drink last night, was the only one puking out the car window?
Decided to make myself tequila gummy bears but got impatient and just drank the bowl of tequila.
IM AT A ROOFTOP FUNDRAISER LOOKING OVER THE WHITE HOUSE I WILL NOT RUIN MYSELF
The moment buddy the elf found out he was human is exactly like the moment I realized I was gay
And then I went through the chix filet drive through for breakfast in all my republican post sex glory
It's not stalking if you do it on LinkedIn...
Ethically, this is the worst thing I've ever done. Financially, however...
Got home. Somebody tried to sell me weed on the street. I've never had to try so little to find a dealer before.
Randomize
