I checked for jungle juice on Weight Watchers. they didn't have it.
mid-sex i was thinking.. these are not the right balls slapping me
My male hookup buddy is gonna meet my female hookup buddy, let the awkward hookup games begin!
well, i woke up this morning to a note i left myself my dry erase board, "dear you: i had sex with someone awful."
Ha, I bet. You tipped the waitress like 10 bucks for a glass of water.
she made a facebook for her toddler.. his likes include lil wayne and ice luge. He has more friends than i do. I mean, Seriously? there's not enough booze in the world to make thanksgiveing bearable
We can't stop being roommates, you do such a good job of holding my hair back when I puke. I don't wanna buy hair elastics.
of course the one day I come to class high we have guest speakers from the police department... Just my luck
But truly, sorry about your empty vagina
Thanks boo.
listen I need taco bell and an orgasm within the next hour. I'll leave the order in which you provide those things up to you
Stories. There's stories.
MEGHAN YOU'VE BEEN THERE FOR 20 MINUTES
My uncle showed up to pick us up at the bar just as I bought a drink so I put it in my pocket #drunksmart
You’re about to have a sober threesome with a rando at a Fenway bar?
Conversations really do change when your social worker had your dick in her mouth the other night.
This drunk girl kept yelling for water so I dipped a cup in the toilet and gave it to her. She was thanking me all night.
Randomize
