I'd wear matching sweaters with you
Dude?? where did you go after Wildcats last night? Last I heard you went off with one of the girls we danced with?
Negative - This is his GF, Bobby is in Jail for a DUI. Thanks for the info.
theres bread in your mailbox im going to eat it
nevermind its newpaper
I don't remember her name, all I remember is trying to suck the wedding ring off her finger.
the arrest was probably divine intervention, cause i think we were heading to an ill-advised threesome.
I'm on a mission. But just to make out with him so his relationship collapses and he is single when I come back in April.
I wonder what blackout Alex would think of her?
probably "functioning vagina, must touch"
I walk in and my roomie is fucking her bf while wearing lingerie and minnie mouse ears. Right in the childhood.
The George Foreman grill is melted. I don't know what other problems could arise.
I don't know how that blunt survived being in your pocket all night but you pulled it out at 4 am in 7/11 and tried to fire it up. Zero fucks given
We made a pact to go to the nursing home together... that way we could stay high till the bitter end. Do you not remember?
Well, my mom found the ball gag and whip. Looks like I'm never going home again.
we were running around the halls trying to bloodhound search out the source of the weed smell, but we ran into six other people doing the same thing, and they all said they assumed it was us.
Just letting you know that I just spent 11 dollars on a car wash... Because you had sex in my car.
Do you think it would be okay if i cleaned my cartilage piercing with the leftover vodka?
Randomize
