i just took a sip of diet coke and i said " as soon as it hits my lips i wanna smoke a cig." then i thought of your dick.
told my boyfriend i was a virgin so he wouldnt feel bad since he is. now hes asking why his dick is so itchy. should i tell him why?
i don't see why you should, it's not like you told the other guys with the itchy dicks.
flash back: i gave smirnoff to a group of children at walmart
I woke up laying in alphagetti with the message "I'd go get checked asap" written out in the letters.
Pissing in la rieve gfox. Jer zsyuis diu drunk but it felt amazunbg
Dans le librearie ivetre. Hjhaha
You got cut off after you tried to make the dog funnel moscato.
You looked like my 4th grade science fair volcano project when you burped. Told you chugging a 40 would be awesome.
WE COULD TOTALLY DO ECSTASY AND GO TO THAT CAT SHELTER OFF OF BROADWAY.
Yeah i'd say someone being in the room while you're doing someone makes them eligible for fb friendship
I just replaced the poop spray with an air horn... Now we wait!
We bought a pool from walmart at 2am...and to make matters even more white trash we headed to Applebee's for half off appetizers and corona-ritas
I just went on etsy and my personalized suggestions on the page were either kinky sex restraints or baby things. I feel like etsy just summarized my life.
so he'll eat food out of a dumpster but he won't lick your ass?
Unexpected pussy is the best kind. Never expected to get any from a stranger at my little brother's bar mitzvah.
Mazeltov!
I was trying to type "I just want you naked" and it put "I just want you baked"
Randomize