Does it still count as a "walk of shame" if it's only 1am?
last night was fun... but i spent all morning tring to get the candle wax out of my chest hair. We did use candles last night?
im kinda looking forward to winter break. ive been away from home for so long i think i can trick my vagina into thinking that these arent the same people ive been hooking up with since high school...
dude, you cant keep using "she roofied me" as an excuse to bang all these fat chicks
So his "youporn" cam totally caught me stealing quesadilla leftovers.
I gave up my innocence when I let him cum in my spelling bee trophy
Printing the vagina inspector badge was money well spent.
An there's a little girl across the bar eating Mac n cheese... #1 she won't stop looking at me. Boo bitch I'm drinking alone. #2 I'm about to tackle her ass for that Mac n cheese.
Just bought a waterproof mattress cover. Bring it on sophomore year.
I'm going to make a mold of my tits to bake a cake for him for our anniversary.. I can see the pride in his eyes now.
But you can still look for dick after you find Jesus.
There's a burrito next to my bed. Did you buy it for me or is the Chipotle fairy real? And why am I naked?
Stoner thoughts are the only thoughts I want to have now.
I called plan parenthood at 407 am... Guess I was thinking ahead
Was it a bad idea to have spent all of my tax return on coke?
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