toast her oven
toast her strudel
inspect her gadget
Assholes at mcdonalds drive through wouldn't serve us last night even though we said we were on small motorcycles that were to small for them to see and weren't heavy enough for the sensors. We made noises and everything.
Sadness tears and throw up everywhere
all im saying is that if he was a normal person, he would have fucked me by now.
A total of 95 cents was stuck to my ass the next morning.
Dude, just be careful. Her invitation for BJ is just a trap for her to stick her finger up your ass.
just cuz theres a goalie doesnt mean i cant commandeer the goal and become a way better goalie
its like i had a thought but i dont know what the words are for it
It's not really the holidays until I raid the medicine cabinet. Happy hydrocodone to me
And a merry methadone to all
So never has there been a greater Valentine's Day gift than you actually putting a new roll of toilet paper on for me after using the old roll up! You didn't even use the new roll. You clearly put that on from a gentleman's standpoint vs. a selfish standpoint. I love you!!!!
When the hubs wants to wear his training mask during sex and pretend to be Bane you just go with it.
I did it again.
I drunk texted John McCain.
she chased shots of jack with a fucking steak. i'm in love.
I just typed "I've got a friend" and my phone autocompletes to "that's a dick appointment". What is my life.
I've seen your dick too many times for both of us to be straight.
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