i got lost in a forest last night. this morning I realized the "forest" was just 6 trees on campus.
so he came on my face and then proceeded to say "that was just how i imagined it would happen"
where do you find these guys?
Drank beer out of a hotwheels bucket all night
I wish I could get plan B off e-bay so it would be a secret and cheap.
I wasn't interested in him...but then he played The Office theme song on acoustic guitar. I'm sorry.
she said she was living bicuriously through me.
After throwing up, the toothpaste tasted so good. Thank you for not letting me eat it.
I am sitting on the couch "eating" a frozen big bucket margarita with a spoon.
anyone who says having children is the best experience of their life obviously has never seen a vending machine carry vodka in Capri sun pouches.
The other. Cat spoke to me and left. This shit is laced
The first cat might save me but they are taking out masks
Who is Katie and why do we have her birthday cake?
You are so predictable. I am willing to bet 20$ that instead of going out you are sitting on your couch, stoned, watching Seinfield re-runs and eating cheezits.
1. they're goldfish. 2 fuck you
Ugh. The fucking vaginal recession is so real right now.
let’s be honest I’d fucking Irish step dance on your grave, asshole
Lol he touched my butt after his grad party and a shooting star went by. No kidding. My ass is mystical.
Randomize
