hey soul. what's that? you, dignity and pride are left for the night? coulda told me that before i vomited all over my mother.
Just saw my boss eat a banana in three bites.
So.. my mom just told me she hasn't gotten laid in 7 years... I'm really disturbed.. at the same time... At least now I know why shes so damn cranky all the damn time
Please don't tell me you're asking me to have sex with your mother.
I'll trade you a raw potato for some vodka
The liquor store wont accept checks from us anymore.
Just pooped at the strip club. NOT NORMAL . I may be a little too comfortable here.
Seriously I will never run in my wedges while drinking racing home to have sex ever again
He kept falling asleep with the pizza in his hand. I woke him up and told him and he was shocked because he thought he ate it all. Then he would end up falling asleep and we'd repeat the whole process again.
Now I know he's not trying to fuck me. He took me to lunch at White Castle.
Theres a point where you stop and say hey....as high as I am on LSD right now ...I`m just a man covered in paint
banged a milf last night. she left right after cause of parent teacher conferences this morning. victory.
You yelled This cop is arresting me for possession! Possession of MARIJUANA!!", everyone cheered, and you let him handcuff you and take you away.
Pumped to get "pass out-wake up in Berlin-buy a chinchilla" drunk?
Despite evidence suggesting otherwise, it turns out max is 100%straight.
i don't think the phrases "so shitty" & "taking care of my newborn" should be combined in the same sentence. leave it to her to make it possible eh?
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