Bel-fucking-mar, this place has more popped collars than a Hollister catalog
I'll let you put expensive food in me, but really, not much else.
it tastes like there's a party in my mouth and everyone is throwing up
So you coming over for some grilled cheese and head?
2 bagels in my tummy and my herpes on my mind
On the couch having a debate with the dog over whether eating anothr sweet roll will make the hangover better or worse
You realize at the bar last night we blew on imaginary whistles like rose from titanic right?
I was expecting a blowjob when she shoved me in the bathroom but instead she shaved my pubes into a mustache for my penis. I am still satisfied.
You're welcome to join, but just to warn you, tequila makes my clothes disappear. And I'm telling you that as an adult to an adult, not as your supervising teacher who decides whether or not you graduate.
He was "hot guy in the dark". One of us had to sleep with him. I took the bullet you're welcome.
I just ordered $70 worth of pizza and I'm not even ashamed. Happy Valentine's Day to me.
CODE RED CODE RED MY VIBRATOR IS BROKEN THIS IS NOT A DRILL
If there was a gecko involved in your BDSM I'm gonna have to request that not happen when we live together ;)
Just used the pen i got in my signing ceremony to pack down my bowl. coach would be proud
I just broke into my house with a butter knife. It kinda scares me just how easy that was.
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