I got into an eating contest with Christina. I ate 6 oranges.
Why? Who won?
we don't know. we ran out of oranges.
It was like his mom forgot to breastfeed him and he was making up for lost time.
She told me she was selfish for not giving me a blowjob... I couldn't agree more.
We woke up in an inflatable kiddie pool full of both empty and full beer cans. In the middle of his dad's office. Oh, and we were locked in. Nobody remembers.
Saying you want a bj does not count as saying you wanna see me btw.
I must have drunkenly masturbated really loud last night, cause my roommate and his wife wont look at me
bro i dont care how hot she was, you try keeping it up with the amount of puppet he had in her room, it was like fucking in jeff dunham's house
Aw don't be embarrassed. It was all good fun! We've all been there. You can't come to vegas and NOT get a little alcohol poisoning. That's like going to church and not praying.
I got sucker punched while I was making out with some girl...I think my molar might have flown into her mouth
Looking for my adderal, only found acid. What a shame
you face planting the wall was epic
did you at least save my tooth
Mom saw my dick pic over my gf's shoulder. She told her she really should've had me circumcised.
He said I have the “Denzel Washington” of vaginas.
We live walking distance from the coors factory. no, we do not have a dry week.
Drinking at 10 in the morning and swimming might not be the best idea I've ever had but it beats working
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