Wow, you were right... Weed does start conversations
headbutted the bartender, tried to bite the bouncer, and pissed on a cops shoes. and i still got laid. god, it's good to be home
he just payed for our date, after telling him I was leaving early to meet my fuck buddy. is there something lower than friendzone I can stick this guy in?
that was you who tried to jump in front of my car in the monkey suit wasnt it
i don't know at this point bringing the fog horn might be a good idea...
I just got licked by a stripper, not so great anymore.
Tonight will bring shame to my future grandchildren.
A total of 95 cents was stuck to my ass the next morning.
I think this agreement was sent by God. I get to do my own thing, get laid, and he still makes me breakfast in the morning.
It's like that thing with the devil and the angel except one shoulder has orgasms and the other has stuffed crust pizza and depression.
I thought adderall would sober me up, but it did NOT.
I would pay to watch a Bravo special of you getting Botox.
Apparently I was having great conversation with this 48 year old on grindr & he was concerned as to how I was getting home.
The zombie version of you bit my friend's hand. No more zombie crawl for you. Not ever.
I somehow turned head, shoulders, knees, and toes into a sobriety test
Randomize
