Sex on a trampoline was so worth getting a mosquito bite on my penis
his recent searches consisted of "World record for not bathing" and "Miley Cyrus vs Taylor Swift". Not even i am that desperate.
New plan, instead of sleeping with her, I'm just going to use her to sleep with the entire sorority.
Slugs feel like vagina... thought you would want to know
yeah come on over we're just pre gaming for the grocery store
i shall enjoy my approximately 2 hours of being sober today
Let's have a moment of silence for the guinea pig that drunk chick threw out our window.
He's crying and calling me out on using him. It's awful. And I'm too drunk to leave.
Thanks for your number, i want to ski with you, do party with you and sleep with you. Lucas.
Your stoned with a 2 year old in the room....and that makes you want to have babies?!
my dad pointed to my full beer and said drink up we're leaving now.
can you adopt me?
The best part about daylight savings time this weekend is we get an extra hour to be fucked up.
I HAVE DISCOVERED LONDON AND IT FILLS ME WITH JOY
I'm sorry I crashed your motorcycle and watched you get robbed from a rooftop. Will you please come back or at least drop off my shoes?
You and I both know it takes more than prescription narcotics to keep our family down. See you around ten, brother.
Randomize
