It was just pointed out to me in a meeting that there is a lipstick stain on my crotch.
Quoting wale wont save you from herpes
and then the other night his penis tricked us both into sex
i'm just sitting here going through her tagged pics, covering up different parts of her face to try and figure out exactly what it is that makes her so ugly.
does the girl puking in my garbage belong to you?
It's kind of like, standing in a garage and pretending you're a car. Except you're naked.
You told me to remind you that the bruise on your ass is from when you danced on the table at Ziggy's, saw a cop and tried to 'fly away'.
How was my weekend? I just blew my nose and a gram of coke fell out. My weekend was fantastic.
Tell me about it. Running across highways take alot outta ya. When he found out, he was all "concerned" about it.
I was so high I started singing Let It Go and then instantly started laughing 'cause I was eating ice. Everyone just stared.
Moral of the story: next time my plans include you and bourbon, I'm packing a toothbrush.
I'm supposed to be at work in 10 min, I just woke up and am 45 min away...tinder for the win
Note to self: Calvin Klein's are not safe to shit in.
Im covered in coffee vomit and urine and none of which are mine
Hey! Its not the first time I've been eaten out in a bridesmaids dress in a church by a groomsman!
Randomize
