i love my job...i have craft hour at my desk w twizzlers
can u grab me a application
I would blow Magic Johnson for a pack of lucky strikes right now. Post-hiv.
I mean he's a cool ass guy, but he's genuinely in love with a fat chick. I just can't take him seriously as a person.
From the guy that lifted you into a fan I'm sorry
I just realized I'm trading you a pregnancy test for the morning after pill...
It's been a bad semester.
I'm in the city buying alcohol. I just got warned by a homeless man on the street that I shouldn't look so pretty "in these parts"
I've wasted nicer days than this hungover and dry heaving in bed.
i mean, i offered you kinky, jungle themed sex. i don't know what else you want from me
We could have casual sex if you want. But I can't offer a bromance to a woman.
She seriously left me for a guy that likes his own statuses on facebook.....
I'm so lazy and tired i just want to cry and fall asleep in a bed of egg mcmuffins.
I snapchatted him nudes and he didn't screenshot a single one of them because he's a gentleman.
Idk how I even got accepted into college because literally the only things my brain ever thinks about are YouTube videos of baby animals and sex.
When is the right time to ask your new roommate for her school schedule so she doesn't walk in on you fucking some rando in the kitchen in the middle of the afternoon?
Ccatlin cimbing thru th sunroof plz come
Randomize
