i just realized how high i was when i was screaming red light challenge at the top of my lungs and am watching it alone
Last night my friend tried to make out with me in an olive garden. Ahahah
Nothing says 'I love you' like never ending salad and breadsticks
I don't think i can handle my uncle say again that kid rock is a true musician....
we were sitting in the bathtub when she came in with her grandpas cane adn beat us until lindsay passed out
Well since its impossible for me to swallow a pill this big I'm making wine slushies out of them
he says he is going to get you very high and make you leave the country with him
possibly by boat
I think the paper my teacher just handed back to me had one of his pubes on it, I'm way too hungover for this
I think I just legit sprained my wrist from holding myself up while giving a blow J. God dammit come already
I know you're very busy with sleep and things, but when you wake up we need to talk about weirdly shaped penises.
Pulled over to puke on the way to sign closing papers on the house...Good sign of responsibility.
whoa whoa whoa, you're saying I shouldn't post pics of you balls deep in a southern hottie?
Hey what you doing tonight?
Working at the hospital! So hurt yourself and come visit :)
See you in about a hour
She sent me a thank you card for not fucking her boyfriend...
She threw my purse across the room almost broke a lamp and this all started bc she forgot what an air mattress was
I hate when he takes the condom off to cum all over me. It defeats the purpose.
It’s like having a barf bag and choosing to puke in your own lap.
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