I totally ignored my nose and drank sour milk this morning. The tupid carton said 4/22/09. i puked everywhere..
i only shaved half my leg
on purpose
My idea of sleeping together involves doing the Humpty Hump. Her idea of sleeping together focused more on being fully clothed on the opposite sides of a king sized bed.
birth control and beer are two of the most beautiful creations ever invented.
Yea i'm supposed to have jury duty on monday. Hope they don't mind me still being drunk.
Na you can't get charged for public intoxication unless you're outside. I checked.
Turning 21 on Saint Patty's day. I like to think this is what my alcoholic ancestors have prepared me for
you were mass sexting so we took your phone away
I'm already mentally preparing myself for the fact that I'll probably be sleeping next to a toilet.
we tried to steal a tractor last night. you should have come out.
attractive or not, he has more than one book on serial killers. i'm gonna get out of here while i can
You also spilled beer on my dog and tried to wipe it off with a paper towel but he kept getting away from you.
I'm cooling my balls with a beer because I'm too cheap to turn on the AC
Goddamnit, guys. I got lube all over my kindle.
Must be why he thought choking was foreplay. Like WTF? No.
Caitlin, you were laying in your bed feeding your dog ritz chips and singing a whole new world at 4am loud enough your neighbors came over an asked you to stop.
I love my life
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