she offered me iced tea and went to go change.then her dad came in the door.i thought i was on how to catch a predator.
I enjoy that i have a whole shelf of clothes that I've accumulated from random sex. You know the ones you get to make the morning after look less awkward like similar to an athletes trophy shelf
My cousin's wedding had personal beer funnels for each table and a drinking game against the bride and groom. im sorry for ever calling you white trash
well hello there hangover. fancy meeting you here on this BRIGHT thursday morning.
he just told me he'd rather go to the pirates game. i know it was desperate but i said id give him roadhead if he let me come along.
I just masturbated to the audio from my psych lecture . . . this screwing my prof fantasy is getting serious.
Woke up in the front yard with a chalupa and a firecracker in my back pocket. It's what the founding fathers would want
I dont know. Theres no way you can be ready for the sex hurricane that will consume you.
who dressed up as a cop at your party???
idk I have to check. Why?
he gave me the best strip search of my life. FIND HIM.
You screamed at oncoming traffic , "five dollars to punch this guy in taint!".
No, it's cool, I just bounced from the hospital. I was...talking to a security guard, maybe?
I think the lady at jack in the box started crying when we put in our order.
You attempted what you called the "Long Island Heist", in which you shoved a half glass of Long Island down your pants and asked me to help you sneak it out. That drunk.
can you please not set my house on fire for once???
So, random question. How much should you tip a Lyft driver when you realized you've fucked his sister? Asking for a friend.
Randomize
