He said "what's the haps". I don't know what the haps are but there goes his chances
I have never pre-planed for a better sober morning than lacing my muffin batch with tylenol.
I had to sleep with my math professor to pass algebra. Apparently my blowjobs are only C+ quality
I would like to apologize for making you the target of my "I wish head hair grew as fast as Pubes speech" the other night
How am I suppose to fully love you when you cant even open up and try to fulfill my midget fantasy
Have invented new cocktail. Any flavor of crystal light and vodka. I call it "I am going to die alone"
Woke up in my underwear and Christmas sweater. Only. Eggnog has won the battle but not the war.
speaking of creep .. love how I kept touching strangers faces at the bar ... and saying "Don't worry I'm a dermatologist"
After a little too much, I decided public urination was a constitutional right.. Nearly got deported for that one
My boobs look fucktastic, I have a booty call on Sunday and a dick photo on my phone. Life is grand!
I just got yelled at by a stripper for being a tease.
we are currently pregaming for our walk to the liquor store.
step one: admitting you have a problem. complete.
will a lunchtime blow job make it better?
His beard looks like it smells like beer, cocaine and old pussy juice
MY TITS JUST CAUSED A CAR ACCIDENT ON THE HIGHWAY! i kid you not!! i thinl the giy is actually dead
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