The only thing I've had to eat today was the half eaten sausage biscuit I found on my chest when I woke up this morning.
We video chatted for almost two hours. But I woke up with puke on my keyboard. The question of the day: were we still chatting when I vommed? No idea.
It was so romantic--he turned me around to face the sunset during doggy-style over the couch back.
I have big tits. Rules don't apply to me.
you were carrying around a glass of vodka telling everyone it was Russian water
That shit is worth it...they got medicine for that now a days
I swear he shrunk like 2 inches. Remind me that drunk sex needs to remain drunk sex.
The lego bong didn't work. Just made us look stupid
My Grandma made me promise not to drink more beer, so I'm chugging wine.
No lie. I was hooking up with a former football player at UT and mid-hookup I yelled "I'M FRATERNIZING WITH THE ENEMY"
You kicked me our in the middle of a blizzard with a dead phone. I had to give my watch to a pizza delivery person to take me home. You owe me a gyro too.
It’s like a buffet of marriages! Every option is available to you!
the moment when you open a dick pic with your mom in the car... On your moms phone... Of your dad... Scarred for life
You left your Xanax bottle in my car. Why is the label all smudged?
I spilled wine on it.
Legal advice please. Can you sue someone for jerking off to photos of you?
Randomize
