I woke up with my face in a pile of pancakes and 3000 mistakes.
What I'm saying is Afghanistan is America's sexually contracted disease.
Turned in a paper today on drug abuse. Chose to write about percocet. Just realized I started 2 sentences with "This amazing drug"
That fucking fat Asian kid that NOBODY invited is stuck in the dryer again
we did rock-paper-scissors to see who would find out if you had alcohol poisoning
Well I woke up with spatula marks on my ass and burns on my hands.
you told the cab driver to stop being such a pussy because he wouldn't let you shotgun a beer in the backseat
Im sitting in church with a backpack full of beer bottles. This is friendship.
the scent of your tears make me crave pizza
right now I need to figure out a smart way to get an accurate picture of his dick so I know what in dealing with, right now in flying blind.
I don't fucking know. He perched his parrot on his dick. I left after that.
It's the never-ending clusterfuck that is my love life
I love that you put so much thought and effort into your nudes
I don't send half assed nudes. Go big or go home.
My breath smells like gin and sadness
Nothing wrong with a little cat scratch fever. You have toys?
A few, plus a dildo molded from a porn star that I've always been too intimidated of to actually use, but it's the apocalypse, and momma didn't raise no quitter.
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