Dude love is like an itch. You fuckin scratch it, then it itches more, then you scratch it and it itches more, and before you know it, there is semen everywhere.
you are insane
I wonder if she has a lisp when she orgasms...
if you do not get any action from him tonight, I am personally walking my drunk ass over there grabbing his tongue and sticking it in your mouth. this is getting ridiculous
i went to a real vip club. the bathroom attendant was wiping down counters after girls wearing gucci did lines of coke on them. where did MY life go wrong
You hooked up with another girl while you were with me. You were literally holding my hand while you did it.
She's the only person who can pull off turning an outdoor patio heater tower into a stripper pole.
Maybe I should forgo underwear.
This is a family BBQ no?
She just came to my house, with puke in her hair, to wake up my dad and scream "happy fathers day you DILF!" at the top of her lungs
I made a Wendy's employee say fuck this and quit because I started flipping out due to a baked potato shortage. Of course I had a good night
I think she finds the idea of a naked fat man lying on the table and holding our butter offensive
Well I mean he is in a slightly seductive pose
I was on antibiotics for a bladder infection and couldn't drink and you told me there was no longer room in your life for me.
I'm super disappointed in my clit.
Happy 4 year arrest-aversary! I promise no thanksgiving has been as eventful as that one haha..
Chasing down vodka with apple juice and crying. Alone.
i may have just googled 'is philly rioting right now'
Randomize
