he's 24. he finally texted me instead of using facebook chat. baby steps.
i spent my evening searching "the sims having sex" on youtube
we're no longer friends
Having him eat chocolate out of you is not as romantic as it sounds. I'm still finding pieces.
So thanks to the xanax and vodka memory erasering combo i wake up only to reopen a picture of some very familiar balls
i made sure i dropped the whole "im a yoga teacher" bomb which basically roofies a guys sense of judgement and guarantees he will sleep with me.
I take back everything I said about communal showers
the crazy preacher outside Willard just began a monologue that began with "when i look at a vagina." We should stop by there more often
drunkie insisted on stuffing the rest of his scrambled eggs in his pockets before we left ihop. we really should have left a better tip
when we went to bed he asked me to hold his penis so he knew i was there for him
I kept calling him escargot instead of Estaban..I don't think that was the wisest choice.
I'd rather blow Nickelback than be told he gave me gonorrhea. I'd even post it on Facebook for all of the world to like, share, and judge me.
Woke up with chlamydia and a bruised rib. I'd say my boss is gonna be mad about me not showing up to work, except you know.. it's her fault.
I may watch porn and eat a baked potato covered in chili in bed
Bootycalls can't go limp that's like against the law
I swear to god, if you ever yell my name during sex with my sister again..your balls will be stapled to your nipples.
Randomize
