He just kept muttering to himself "stabby stabby stabby stabby" while we were boning. I will never be boning him again.
It was like a lincoln log. Seriously. I don't know who's more pissed, me or my vagina...worst.hookup.ever.
I'm drinking whiskey outta the bottle trying to earn the trust of some ducks in the yard
also bought condoms to give away to people who look like they're about to make a bad halloween decision. I'm like a fairy.
just got home. some guy on my porch is tryin to show me his balls. no more parties at my apartment.
Do you think I threw out my left shoulder during the keg stand or the stripper pole? It's medically relevant my chiropractor wants to know.
I hope we all get so wasted that we ride the cows again
The amount of precision it takes to urinate into a 2 liter bottle while hammered is undeniably difficult.
The saddest thing about graduating is that we won't have free access to STI screening anymore
Dude. I've never been with a guy who just wanted to go down on me all the time including while I'm shooting zombies on call of duty. My life is complete.
I woke up to a quacking alarm clock and a rando in my bed. I told him I liked his cargo shorts. Fireball is not my soulmate anymore.
Currently having to re-watch episodes of Lost that I've only partially seen because you distracted me with your vagina
long story short, the bouquet was used as a sacrificial torch
we f'd six times
f'd?
its sunday, i cant say fucked
He woke me with blue berry pancakes and a blow job. He's a keeper.
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