Don't cheat on me with the blonde bimbo religi freak
I wouldn't touch her with a ten foot pole
She's blonde
Pregnant stripper...not hot.
Man THE POSTAL SERVICE is awesome when I'm high..... But they suck when I'm sober.
so im kinda of nervous about the whole bust inside event last night
we talked for like an hour, i feel like we really bonded. i mean i was simultaneously giving him head but you get the point.
They just came out of my bathroom and asked if I could spare them a condom. See. Its a good thing I have some.
I fell asleep with all the lights and heat on in the apartment with windows open, Earth Hour is lost on people like me.
she was rubbing her elbow against the fish tank and laughing hysterically then she said I'M THEIR FISHY GOD and watched harry potter
I five year old is judging me because I just opened a bottle of Sam Adams with my teeth before 8am
I blew him and did charles barkley impressions at the same time. what a pro
no dude I'm not doing anything bad to her...remember she's always the DD she has blackmail material on literally all of us
She once gave me sex advice over the phone while intoxicated. So no you don't have the cooler therapist.
Um, you were throwing up the shocker symbol in front of all of the wedding guests during the best man's speech. No wonder the groom thinks we're bad
I will buy you batman underwear babe. I'll make sure you wear them every time we have to adult.
She was blacked out at her own party. It felt good to stand next to her while she laid on the floor and say "vomit does not look good on you."
Randomize
