i thought she was just hairy. i didn't know she was also a man.
If I die today, promise to let the world know I partied.... oh god did I party
obama could have borrowed sotomayor's dick when he threw out that that first pitch like a girl last night
theres no cameras in the kitchen right? cause i dont wana get fired for peeing in the kitchen in a cup
they just did a mariachi cover of free bird
how ive managed to spend 100$ at an open bar is beyond me.
I started making breakfast to subdue the hangover and last of the shrooms and only got as far as eating a half frozen pierogi out of a dixie cup.
Apparently, I kept going on about how i'm going to name my first born Ramen. I think this is a good parenting move.
Scary. I thought trees were a lie and that someone ha permanently stenciled them into my life. No joke.
I was basically shocked at how calmly you accepted my violently shoving a french fry in your mouth.
My boobs just got me out of my third ticket last night
i'm so proud. i woke up to nearly seven feet of basketball player in my bed this morning
you win. again.
He has a burner phone just to send dick pics. It's revolutionary
Trusting in Jesus is not a viable birth control plan.
NO FUCKBOY SHALL PASS OPERATION #BITCHMODE HAS SUCCEEDED
It's really hard to tweet with a pussy in your face demanding attention.
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