I just encouraged Kelsey to make out with some guy for beer so I could take one, does this make me a pimp?
By definition I think it does.
So this is what it feels like to be all that is man.
he texted me telling him i gave him the clap. but i think he gave it to me and i gave it back to him
Spotted on freeway- girl in ford focus takes a hit from a 7 inch pipe while knee driving. She winked at me. I want her life.
you know you should just kill yourself when you are helping your 16 year-old sister get ready for a date and you're going out to dinner with you parents..
Just bought purple Ray Bans. If there was any small chance that I would ever have sex with women ever again, I just buried it.
I love having hate sex.
I don't want to talk about her cat for two hours only to dry hump till I'm blistered. Not worth it.
I totally just friend requested the girl I met in jail last night so that I could give her back the sunglasses she lent me upon our release. See, I'm not a total delinquent.
#1 RULE OF DRINKING: DELETE YOUR EX'S NUMBER FROM YOUR PHONE
My goal this weekend is to get a number that goes with the penis I take him.
Aspirations
His new girl is probably classy and boring. I bet she doesn't feed him sour patch kids while she wiggles his weiner.
I just called my boyfriend "Dad"... Awkward
Beer and xanax may be a bad combo, but I don't really care due to the beer and the xanax.
Someone needs to fuck me in my slutty pumpkin costume and I would ideally like it to be you
Ive seen a birth plenty of times, pretty awesome like a bear trying to climb out of a volkswagon.
Randomize
