Also just realized how inappropriate it looks to other drivers to finish bottles of cheap champagne at stoplights
You do realize that we got a stripper to do the YMCA for us on the main stage... Right?
hey tell your friend im sorry for licking his mouth, that was probably inappropriate
You fuck like a mechanic. That is the universe telling you that is your true calling. Take this as a sign.
LSHMSFOAIDMT = laughing so hard my sombrero falls off and I drop my taco.
Also you know what's worse than drunk texting? Drunk leaving soup on your hot neighbor's porch.
he just sent me a picture of his penis sticking through a piece of paper that he had drawn a stick figure with tits on it that said "you"
my night ended with a pity blow in a racecar bed
You passed out while holding my hair during a blow job.. i think your gona have to earn back blow jobs
I literally put my pussy on his sideburns, it was awkward
There's a lil minaj in everyone
I used the light from the first guy's text notification to be able to snapchat the second guy in the dark. I am too good at juggling guys.
Pornhub is still operational. Therefore, the world has NOT come to an end in the blizzard!
Nothing can teach you regret more efficiently than a wine hangover.
It stopped being casual for me when I waxed my vagina for you
Cops swarmed my car last night in the walmart parking lot cause of the paper plate
Randomize
