the line at the liquor store is out the door, and students in line are high-fiving like crazy...i love college snow days
on the last problem of the exam i just drew a picture of a cat and left
just saw an advertisement for the rock in the tooth fairy...can you say rock bottom?
I just took the soap out of the bathroom and hid it... this way I could see if she would say anything. you know, to see how clean she was
You were dancing on the bar and fell off into the arms of the hot bartender. It was like a fairy tale, with more alcohol.
you know you've made it when it's your own pool table you're waking up on
He just kept petting my ear and informing me that I wasn't one of the guys
The only thing he had going for him was mad fingering skills. the ONLY thing. crayons have a wider circumference.
That man deserves a slow clap... He defied the power of the vagina
My heart feels like a grape in a barrel about to be crushed into wine
So after taking my shirt off, he pulls my bra off like a hockey jersey. FUCKIN PRO. Guy knew what he wanted.
10 shots in she's sitting on the floor using the open dishwasher door as a plate to eat her "life giving" pizza.
I showed up to a job interview wearing two different shoes. If that's not an omen, I don't know what is.
Congrats you've received dick pics from an Olympic silver medalist
Why did I wake up naked with a leg cramp and and extra $550 in my wallet?
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