How's tricks little girl?
Trix are for kids, old man.
I hope you shit your pants in a socially devastating situation.
I woke up this morning with a bag of pepperonis in my bed.... and my facebook status was "pepperonis"
tonight's goal was "most regrettable decision" and you bring wine coolers?
This smoking ban is really fucking with my ability to fart in public
I woke up at 4am on the couch with half my clothes on. And by half my clothes I mean my earrings.
This is one of those situations that make me think to myself "what life decision did I make to get here"
now that I know that you did coke with your mom I can't look at her the same
so I definitely just chased tequila shots with a biscuit covered in sausage gravy
Thats fucking manlier than riding a bear into battle
I think i just shit in their garbage can, I'm ready for that ride u owe bro.
Are you opposed to me trying out your penis?
She came out of the bathroom listening to her iPod and crying. Then she started scream 'she will be loved'. She seems to be handling the break up well lol
Is it weird that the girl I'm fucking just wished me luck on my date tonight?
I just got through airport security with 5 grams of weed in my back pocket. Either I deserve a metal or the government is slacking
I'm seeing how far I can grow my leg hair out before Jason will say anything. I'm up to an inch
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