I'm pretty sure my roommate has taken plan B more times than i've had sex. Not sure how that makes me feel.
Last night we were drunk and talking about rude things, I mentioned felching and had to explain it to everyone. Everyone was disgusted and asked how I knew about such filth and I told them you told me. Don't get mad. Also a quck heads up, you might get gifts of straws at work,
Can we end it on a good note at least? Can we fuck and then never talk again?
I just took a shower and found half a cookie melted under my boob. Please tell me there's a reason
I just woke up in bed, rolled over, and found a whole pizza.
this is the second day in a row.
Oh. Yeah. It's the same pizza then.
I think I'm just going to up-end a bottle of wine and look through pictures of what my life used to be.
Go for gold. Two birds with one vag.
Fuck edible panties there is a dress made out of bacon
i was the only bi girl at the frat party. i felt like the last cresent roll at thanksgiving
you were bawling because you felt bad for being so drunk and then you asked for a beer
The more I piece together last night the more I want to vomit it out of my brain.
We're gonna start a pole dancing competition or a bar fight. Stand by for results.
she is legit trying to fuck me to death between her and work i haven't slept in 3 days and have at least 16 hours to go before sleep is a possibility. can i crash at your place she doesnt know where you live
Ok maybe second best. He dated a stripper. Can't compete with that level of hoeness
I had to explain to the doctor why I'm peeing blood. He still didn't believe a girl would have that much sex... You could feel the judgement forming in the room when I went into the details...
Damn, well a girls gotta get laid too
Randomize