And now his mom knows I was dipping my pen in company ink
While my grandpa showed the family a slide show he accidentally included a topless photo of his new gf.
I just hit a new low..poured my beer in an empty coke can so I could drink in walmart.
I poured myself a glass of chocolate chips at some point during the evening.
He's so young, I keep getting a mental image of him in footie pajamas. It's cute but it's wrong. Or is it?
not saying it was a bad idea to throw an impromptu party but someone stole the microwave
Do pleather leggings scream im easy on a first date?
What kind of life do I lead that no one is surprised by the fact that I was watching porn at work with the hot 37 year old?
so i EARNED it!?! i EARNED dying alone with cats!!?
Well, he asked what my sign was, then proceeded to critique me on my beer pong stance... I really need to raise my standards.
This place is a maelstrom of dicks.
I mean as in stuck up bastards, not actual, desirable male genitalia. My point is, come pick me up fast, please!
Will you rub my calves while I masturbate?
if you and your penis don't hurry up, I'm getting drunk without you.
Apparently i'm now known as the kid who was double fisting tequila and pedialyte.
What use have I for dignity? It just get's in the way of the really fun stuff.
Randomize
