Are they still out there making out on the couch? How can we get them to leave?
I 'm gonna go stand naked in the kitchen with a knife
You hooked up with 4 random girls, avoided your grilfriend finding out about it, and dodged traffic on Park Ave. Can you say luck of the Irish?
Two girls I have never met just thumb wrestled to decide who gets to make out with me.
Drunk off five beers on a Tuesday. I'm not sure which part of that statement is more sad
You came out of the bathroom, said "I'M DRUNK BUT I REMEMBERED TO WASH MY HANDS!" and then insisted that she smell them.
i feel sorry that you can never enjoy the feeling of shaved balls
At this point I just want to meet a man with a job.
I remember all the people and all the acts I just have to match the person with the act
Apparently you missed the drunkest me ever documented. I slept on the hardwood floor and left my pants on the porch to give u a frame of reference.
This hurricane was the perfect excuse to buy 2 pounds of animal crackers and a case of beer. It's on Sandy.
If the world ends now I want you to know I was on my favorite toilet fighting the good fight.
So you get idea of what my night was like, I woke up this morning and the back of my head was orange
I think he's only dating me for my ass...
did i just pee glitter
he just fucked me for my cheese.
Randomize
