a mothers knocking is a guaranteed boner softener
speaking of unleashing monsters, we need to get condoms
Helping a hot freshman girl move in = 2 hours of my life One bottle of cheap vodkas = $10 Watching her do the walk a shame on her first morning away from home = Priceless
Just because we had intercourse doesn't mean we're friends.
whats the proper etiquette for returning a closet door to a random girl you met and do not know her name?
I know this is weird, but can you ask your girlfriend if she has my mailbox?
Seriously?
100%
it's sunday funday. and also, who can outslut the other day.
Haha its ok. When we got back you sat in the car and attempted to tell me in sign language you were blacked out lol
You know you drank too much last night when your mouthwash tastes like water
Woke up in the ER with a nurse holding my tongue together inside of my mouth and a shattered jaw, the last thing I remember is opening the 151, care to fill me in?
Haha sweet. I'm being the Mad Hatter. I'll be drinking out of a tea cup all night. Or at least until I inevitably lose it, break it, or use it as a weapon.
Never go with a hippy to a second location. I fucking hate Xanax.
The only people allowed to make me cry are myself and Chris Hemsworth as Thor. And me.
I feel like it's the kind of place that would appriciate my Aladdin vest
wow wtf man i was the friend bailing you out of jail with 500 cash and you didnt have the common courtesy of waking me up for class when i passed out drunk and naked in the bath tub
Randomize
