So, I had a dream last night that girls approached guys at the bar and said things like "i would like to pleasure you tonight." No drink buying, no sweet talking or ANYTHING.....it. was. awesome.
Making the executive decision for drunk you to not sleep in the lofted bed that has no ladder
Don't you hate it when all three people suddenly sober up in the middle of a threesome. Awwwwkward.
I have the Everlasting Gobstopper of boners right now. It's kinda like a gift from god, but I don't want to spend anymore time with this girl than I have to.
Stories of my weekends have cause divorces, are you sure you wanna hang out?
I was getting sick from all the peanut butter I had to lick off
Stop bitching. YOU SHOULD FEEL BLESSED TO HAVE LICKED PEANUT BUTTER OFF OF THESE TOTTERS
I dont think getting to 3rd base with a girl you barely know is the type of memory they had in mind when they named the park "memorial park"
he told me i could have the honorable privilege of being the second girl to have sex with him in his new apartment, what a gentleman.
he just sat there, in the doorway of my dorm room, chuggin a fifth like nobodys buisness.. don't know whether to fuck him or be afraid of his confidence
you puked in the bathtub and said "let them pee"
I praised you last night for winning a chug off...you thanked me with a ridiculously hard headbutt. Thanks dick.
Just had empanadas for breakfast while watching Wall-e with my yesterday's one night stand mother AND grandmother.
I almost got an A in organic chem but started hallucinating during the final so I got a C
Ordered a pizza stoned. The guy handed me my pizza and I tried to pay him by handing him back the pizza.
YOU ATE THE FUCKING GOLDFISH!?
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