Anddd after the worst sex of my life, he said.."do you mind taking off the condom, tying it up, and throwing it at the door?" Weird.
Do you ever make guys send you dick pictures just cause it's hilarious?
Do you think when graham bell invented the phone he ever thought that people would be using them to facebook on the shitter?
My parents just checked my browsing history and now think I'm addicted to porn and am a necrophiliac. 1: I know it was you. 2: You're so dumped, that shit is sick.
I'm making you a bingo card for hookups of the school year 2011-12 so you can make even worse life decisions next year
But it's not about our feelings, it's about making the men we sleep with feel awful about their lives
Just lifeguarded a kid's party hungover so I could afford to go out drinking tonight. Circle of life shit goin on here.
at one point he couldn't find his underwear so he put on my catsuit to go to the bathroom
Im dating a 38 year old who's lap I can fit in. Tell me I don't have daddy issues.
It was like you were trying to communicate only you were using every letter of the alphabet but in no order and in a different language
at first i said "no rollerblading if I'm going to be drunk," but we all know how that went
If you bring home Chipotle tonight I'll give you an epic bj...ball play and all #datenight
Your cock has been in the back of my throat. Co-worker is no longer a sufficient title. Fix that shit ASAP
I fell asleep with a half eating burrito in my hand and woke up to cat vomit with burrito in it.
how did you set a fucking salad on fire????????
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