Dan is more possessive of me than a Michael Jackson is of McCully Caulkin
was*
True, R.I.P.
You are not answering and I think it is because you spent 80 dollars worth of drinks on you hot cousin.
just watched her puke in her purse and put it back on the bar. then half hour later put her hand in her bag to get a pen to give me her number. I bet she is game for anything
I just saw at least a dozen senior citizens on roller blades. way to drunk for this.
i remember introducing him to all my posters and making him be extra nice to frank sinatra and bob dylan before he fucked me
Alright, so what's my next move? I already posted a Milli Vanilli video on her wall
I feel like an ass. I'm not blacking out ever again. I want to clean your feet for a year. Just like Jesus did.
. Drop what your doing. Were going to Knoxville for midget wrestling. It's the championship.we can NOT miss this.
Alls I remember is making out with that chick.
Nope that was a dude
St. Patrick's day can kiss my ass. Still hungover. I guess I showed up at my gym blacked out yesterday morning. Like im not missing a gym day b
Just witnessed some guy throw his fake eye at his dad's face. Actually, he whipped it at him.
I got the beer and the first aid kit. You get the tequila and burn cream. We should be set for the camping trip.
If you’re wondering why the bong is outside the garage door just know I was being environmentally efficient by not using the freezer to chill my shit
Ooooh no. Jesus take the wheel, or Moses. SOMEBODY TAKE THE WHEEL
I dropped my slice of pineapple on the kitchen floor and was just staring at it about to cry. It was really good pineapple.
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