THEY JUST PLAYED KISS FROM A ROSE TONIGHT IS PERFECT
new low: my hungover self just mistook bacon grease for mashed potatoes. worst. mistake. ever.
I just walked in on my roommate beating off with no pants on, an unbuttoned hawaiian shirt and a cowboy hat, and he weights 300 pounds
I'll show rhose boucners: You don't let me in, I poop on your pool.
Thats two for two birthdays where I've gotten the "alcoholism runs in the family" speech
I'm drinking vodka out of a coffee pot. and i'm not even mad about it
he told me that my best friend was "one the most attractive people he's ever seen" and wondered why he didn't get a blow job
Well, there are worse ways to make $50 at a gay club.
He won't sleep with me again until I commit...
Run. There is other dick in the sea, less clingy dick.
Printed off fake 'Producer' Sundance badges for us. Pretty sure they double as free passes for getting laid by 'actresses'. Testing this theory tonight.
I will pre answer that I did not see it the fun way. He was peeing outside.
We got to his house at 7am and two random guys were on the couch shot gunning beers saying we were late for the party
Would you like to partake in getting high as fuck with your best friend and then proceeding to cry over the shit head guys we deal with?
Just delivered a pizza to a holiday inn and a delivery driver from Me n Ed's walked up at the same time, we both were going to the same floor so we stood in the elevator making small talk about delivery stuff, but a small part of me wanted to deck him, stand over him and shout,"FOR THE HUT MOTHERFUCKER, FOR THE HUT!"
Jesus christ, don't start a pizza delivery gang war.
Drinking hard cider in a room full of freshman girls. Never felt so secure of my manhood
I probably wouldn't
Randomize
