I just watched a guy get turned down by a prostitute
Now that I've come to graduate college. I realized the only discernible skill I learned was how to roll a joint properly. go me.
Well thats $24,000 well spent.
Excuse me? I'm weird? You're the one sticking your penis into a pringles can.
he's a bartender at a gay strip club. maybe he can work his magic. with getting u in, not gay magic.
I'm stoned in an empty parking lot listening to dave matthews while looking for a lighter.... I feel like I sent this 7 years ago.
you gave the police officer your chanel wallet and said 'just keep it the i.d. is fake too'.
yeah, but i heard shes schizophrenic
i wouldn't even care dude, i'd fuck her and all 7 of her personalities.
I woke up naked this morning there was a baseball bat on the floor the bathroom door knob was removed and the floor was wet. This is why i don't do Tequila shots.
The woman exiting the men's room tried convincing me she was actually a good-looking man.
He got 20 stiches.. Who knew so much damage could come from a single shopping cart.
do you really not remember him getting up at like 4am with a leaf blower running through the house and telling people to "WAKE THE FUCK UPPP"
Its funny that cleaning up pieces of water balloons and shot glasses every morning is becoming a routine
I didnt say frisky time, just alone time, to chat, or watch a show, or stare into one anothers eyes, or souls, or asses, whatever you straight people do
Dedication to a hook up: I had to recruit five people at the train station to help me buy a ticket from a kiosk and get on the right train in 15 minutes because I discovered that my car was stolen.
It's all part of my master plan: have him buy me all I can eat pizza and all I can drink beer AND THEN tell him there was no spark and we're better off as friends.
Randomize
