you told everyone your name was brenda and you had the whole party chanting b-dawgg by the end of the night. successful.
I never thought I would get head to the lion king soundtrack
I feel like you just avenged me for every guy who came in my hair
Woke up with puke in my bed and my pockets full of Tootsie Rolls.
Jealous.
What's bad is when she said "what hobo did you steal this dick from?"
please don't text me until you can spell three letter words again.
I also have a full keg. I'm thinking about crashing a party, they can't get mad if I bring a keg of beer.
Just whatever you do please don't lick his face again.
We were naked in bed for hours and we didn't have sex. Either he's gay or he wants to respect me. Neither of which I approve of.
well, obviously he didn't fuck me for my strong moral fiber.
My boss just called me for legal advice. What has my life become?
I am a good friend because I got you a bagel. I am a bad friend because I ate half of it.
Well I can't be held accountable to know every which time you slid a finger here or slid a finger there. I'm way too busy getting close to climaxing to document these things.
They started shooting fireworks out of a dryer. It was my cue to leave.
Jesus fuck. I just hit on him in front of the whole fire department. They hit the sirens and told us to get a room. FML. I can never go back to that fire station again...
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