So instead of cumming in her, I peed in her...
What did she do!?
I didn't tell her...
i wonder how he feels talking to my mother about jesus with a condom on his dick
period poops. best. ever.
omigod im sitting here with ben and he and i both got that...chick you totally just mass texted that...
There's cake. And donuts. And strippers. It's like 5 year old me and 20 year old me are throwing a party together...
There are work activities and non work activities and dunking my head in a bucket of ice water pulling it out and shotguning a beer is certainly not a work activity
The cop asked you if you had been drinking and you said you drank milk out of a cow.
I rememeber. I showed him the picture on my phone of me drinking out of the utter, right?
You got her pregnant one week before your vasectomy? You couldn't wait one week to cheat on me?
I WILL PAPERCUT YOUR URETHRA YOU DO NOT STEAL A MANS SECOND BIG MAC
He's a prodigy! It would be a service to the scientific community.
15 is 15
What's the procedure for answering a booty call from someone under house arrest?
I feel violated by Miley Cirrus's performance in the VMA's.
Are you still free tonight?
Oh shit I kinda forgot and took acid
My penis is saying yes, several less important organs are saying noo...
My hook-up from last week somehow found me at the club, saw the girl I was trying to fuck, kissed me right in front of her, and walked off.
OH GOD IT TASTES LIKE IT SMELLS
Randomize
