so then you were screaming "GIVE ME KELVINS!" and heating things up in the microwave and no one knew what you wanted
come home now. i got a twizzler tangled in my hair again
okay, prove you're not drunk to me. write 5 true sentences about me with correct grammar.
I am sober. Because I don't drunk. It is bad. People die. I like Domenico because o he bag women what up?
you're the only person i know to use "jizz" and "cute" in the same sentence.
even the AIR tastes like tequila.
I made this pact with my vagina, though. No more heartless fuckery.
She's all pretty and bubbly and nice and I'm sitting here stoned looking like Lucifer.
Like, he's a nice guy. But he's better at fingering than he is at speaking.
It's times where you wake up in the hospital after trying to road surf that you wonder what you're doing in life.
Did I really make him pull over to give the homeless guy my bra?
Star Trek does not adequately answer all the questions that I have about alien genitals
he stole a smokey from the street meat vendor and put it in his pocket when she wasn't looking and now we're drinking avocado margaritas
Maybe you should stop dating for awhile if the chicks aren't working out. Reacquaint yourself with your hand or something.
Broke my ankle and blacked out on my scooter last night. 'Twas grand.
Hey. You got pizza and sex. How much more can you ask for?
Randomize
