Just seen on a tshirt : "fake titties taste funny"
I'll trade you a raw potato for some vodka
i bought a pregnancy test with dimes. Is that trashy?
I might never shower again without beer.. I might also always drink naked
i bought another $5 worth of vodka. with change. i look like a homeless alcoholic. i need your dino cups or else i'll be forced to make a giant jello bowl shot
so, what part of "he's slept with a guy" do you not understand?
I dont think she was a real nurse but she was good at it. wish I rememebrd her name
So i realized that if i bought everything from my google search history for the past week i would have a dolphin, a wolf costume, a unicorn costume, a katana and a bullet proof vest. Not sure how the dolphin would fit in but the rest of it would end up in one awesome night or someone would die. Either way i say we do it.
so how does soaking flintstones gummy vitamins in vodka not make perfect sense
I woke up to his gay cousin telling me I had the prettiest boobs. I don't even wanna know.
I'm not sure... How do you tell someone who was so smashed they couldn't remember shoving their dick into the fireplace that their mother actually witnessed the whole thing?
tried to make it look like I had been conscious/awake and out all day when I stumbled into cvs at 6pm to buy plan B
update: I failed
yeah she's crazy. she fought a possum in my alley because it was "being a cagey little cunt"
You told everyone to shut up then told the officer that you are 21 when you drink.
You'd think that a rotation of two 30 year old men could keep me satisfied... WHY ISN'T THERE A MAN THAT CAN KEEP UP WITH MY HEALTHY SEXUAL APPETITE?!
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